Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
