I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
