why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
