Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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