How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
