You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Let's get the cat blown out
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
