I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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