So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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