I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
