I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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