You really coming over, don't trick.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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