he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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