You smell like a Billy Joel song
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
