He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
