true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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