WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
