he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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