arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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