she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He shit in the fireplace
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
