i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
