the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I have fence marks all over my body
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
