he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Actions speak louder than pants.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
