I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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