i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
