Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
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