I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
