My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
