Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
