Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
