Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
