Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
