There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
