whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
