The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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