We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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