I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
