Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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