you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
