3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Just cropdusted the office
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
