So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
