i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
