If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
we should paint friendship bongs
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
