i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
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