You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
