I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
