So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
