But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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