why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Randomize
