Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
