just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
